Please raise your big toe and repeat:
- I promise to always wear sandals that fit.
- My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. The sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.
- I will vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free or go polish-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.
- I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.
- I will shave the hairs off my big toe.
- I won’t wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, or sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it in the right way. (NOTE: Sandal foot pantyhose are acceptable.)
- If a strap breaks, I won’t duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.
- I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholls if my feet need him.
- I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes even if my feet are small enough to fit into kids’ sizes. This is out of concern for my safety and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat, and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.
- I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.
This is my summer shoe pledge.